Mindless drivel

Moving

2006-07-28T22:08:00.000-04:00

This blog has moved and changed names. Click HERE for the new address. Thank for the memories blogger!

Another Florida strip club story

2006-07-18T20:09:00.000-04:00

'Habitual drunkard' sues strip club
NEW PORT RICHEY -- A lawsuit accuses a Gulf Coast strip club of serving drinks to a 50-year-old man they should have known was a "habitual drunkard."Attorney Sabato DeVito, who represents Spring Hill resident Johnny Eugene Smith, said the bar "continued to serve him alcohol even after they got him intoxicated and then helped him into his car."

Those damn strippers. Not only are they always "taking their clothes off" at the club but they are also FORCING "habitual drunkards" to swill booze.
Read the brief here..

who needs lawyers?

2006-06-12T21:06:00.000-04:00

Judge resorts to child's play
Pedro Ruz Gutierrez | Sentinel Staff Writer

For weeks, attorneys David Pettinato and L. Craig Lee have been bickering about where to interview a witness in a civil lawsuit.

So an irked federal judge, all but accusing them of acting like children, has ordered the Tampa pair to settle their fight by playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors."

Read the entire article HERE.

Wierdness, but might be a good way to reform the legal system!

By the way, if anybody is reading this blog, I apologize for such a HUGE, HUGE gap between posts. I'm a baaaad blogger! I promise to post at least one item every other month! So check back again in late August and I might have something new!

Interesting occpuation

2006-04-24T19:53:00.000-04:00

BSO: 76-year-old man went door-to-door giving fake breast exams

LAUDERDALE LAKES -- A 76-year-old man was arrested after going door-to-door and offering free breast exams, the Broward Sheriff's office said on Wednesday.
At least two women took him up on his proposal, said BSO spokesman Hugh Graf

Here's what Graf said happened around 9 a.m. on Wednesday:

An elderly drove to an apartment complex near the 3200 block of Northwest 40th Street. He was carrying a black doctor's style bag when he walked up to a building and spotted a 36-year-old woman.

He told the woman that he was in the neighborhood offering free breast exams. The woman let the man into her apartment and he began his exam. After touching the victim's breasts, the man moved his hand to her genitals and assaulted her. The woman quickly realized that the man not a real doctor and she called BSO.

Read the entire article HERE

A couple observations:
1. Boy, I would be fooled too if some dude came to my house with a black bag and told me he was a doctor and wanted to feel my bits and pieces. Well, of course you can! You are obviously a professional!
2. He may have worked for the Howard Stern show. Howard routinely gives breast exams FREE OF CHARGE!

Big Country and Peanut rob a stripper!

2006-04-13T17:12:00.000-04:00

If there ever was a need for a movie version of a news story, I think this is it!
I do NOT want to mess with Big Country. Dude is 7'2 and 460 pounds. At least the girl got away mostly unharmed.
In describing her ordeal she said: "I'm not going to do any more private sessions until . . . I hire somebody as a bouncer."
Well put!

Read the entire article HERE.

Pop pee person pleads

2006-04-01T18:15:00.000-05:00

DeLAND -- A former convenience-store worker who urinated in a soda that was sold to an unsuspecting customer pleaded no contest to felony charges Thursday.

Anthony R. Mesa, 21, was taken into custody and will remain in jail until he is sentenced for tampering with a consumer product, a first-degree felony punishable by up to 30 years in prison. Read the entire article HERE.

The term "tampering with a consumer product" is an understatement. Dude took a whiz in somebody's pop...ewwwww!

photo credit: wikipedia

Didn't he see the 'no soliciting' sign?

2006-03-26T11:39:00.000-05:00

Alligator Knocks on Florida Woman's Door

ASSOCIATED PRESS
BONITA SPRINGS, Fla. (March 23) - So now the alligators are going door to door. When Lori Pachelli heard someone knocking at the door of her home in a gated community in this southwest Florida community earlier this week, she looked out to see an unwelcome visitor on her front stoop: an 8-foot alligator. Read the full article HERE.

Donald Duck the Drunk

2006-03-08T20:20:00.000-05:00

Now we know why he was always so angry at Mickey.
Click for the article HERE.

Fun with FEMA money!

2006-03-04T07:23:00.000-05:00

Your house is destroyed and everything you own is gone. What do you buy first with your federal aid? A tattoo of course!

Audit: Katrina, Rita victims used funds for erotica, guns, liquor

FEBRUARY 14--Some victims of hurricanes Katrina and Rita used federal assistance money to pay for "adult erotica," a pistol, strip club fees, and at least one $450 tattoo, according to a new government audit. A Government Accountability Office review of weaknesses in the Federal Emergency Management Agency's distribution of aid describes some of the abuse connected with FEMA's dispensing of $2000 debit cards. While most of the February 13 GAO report addresses the use of multiple social security numbers to secure unwarranted handouts, auditors also examined where some of those funds were expended. Check out excerpts of the audit HERE:

Another fine example of watchdog journalism

2006-03-03T07:23:00.000-05:00

Tyra Banks goes 'undercover' as a stripper
By LYNN ELBER AP Television Writer

Tyra Banks really throws herself into her job as a talk-show host, often in ways only a recently retired supermodel can.
On Wednesday's show, for instance, Banks will be shown going "undercover" as a stripper at a topless club, although the former Victoria's Secret model stops short of complete disclosure. In the past, she's posed as a Las Vegas showgirl and used her face as canvas for makeup lessons.
The stripper segment, she said, was the result of hearing friends and viewers express frustration about the men in their lives spending time and money in strip clubs.
"When I found out the majority of business is from males from married homes, I wanted to go inside
the minds of the men who frequent these clubs. I wanted to see and hear why they went. And the only way to do that was to go undercover and see for myself," Banks said.
Read the entire article HERE

T-banks wants to "see and hear why" married men go to strip clubs. I think I can answer that for her without going through the trouble of posing as a dancer... they like to look at boobies.

Another case for CSI: Cookie Scene Investigation!

2006-03-01T08:20:00.000-05:00

Those terrorist bastards are at it again!! I wonder if there is a merit badge for fighting crime?

Thief takes Scouts' cookie money, runs
While busy selling the popular treats outside an Orlando Publix store, 2 girls watch as a man snatches their cash and flees

The Brownies of Troop 545 say the loiterer with a bandanna was a bad, bad man. After he puffed on a cigarette outside the Publix on South Semoran Boulevard near Pershing Avenue in Orlando where they sold Girl Scout cookies Saturday afternoon, he tossed the butt to the ground, then snatched their money box and ran.The $352 that Bryanna Sura, 9, and Kaitlin Renaud, 8, raised to help finance a pilgrimage to the home of the Girl Scouts' founder was gone."He could have bought our cookies," Bryanna said Monday after school. "But noooo. He had to steal money." Read the entire story HERE.

Fire in the hole!

2006-02-23T09:17:00.000-05:00

Man set on fire as Taser hits lighter
Erin Ailworth and Ken Ma Sentinel Staff Writers
DAYTONA BEACH -- Dennis Crouch had already slashed himself. And when he refused to drop his knife, Daytona Beach police Officer Betsy Cassidy decided she had no choice."Taser! Taser!" Cassidy shouted as she sent a two-pronged wire, packing 50,000 volts, at Crouch's chest. What happened next stunned everyone.A Taser probe pierced the pocket of his khaki shirt -- and ignited the butane lighter inside. Cassidy's pocket exploded in flames.
Read the entire article HERE.

This is the best quote from the police report: "The subject... immediately dropped the knife." Yeah, I think getting tased and catching fire would definitely cause anybody to drop anything he or she is holding!

Someone get CSI on this one...

2006-02-21T08:31:00.000-05:00

Man dies in fight over toilet paper
OCKLAWAHA -- A fight over toilet paper left one man dead and another in the Marion County Jail, authorities said Monday.

Read the entire article HERE

More exciting NASCAR products

2006-02-16T09:52:00.000-05:00

Romance novels + NASCAR = endless cheesy love and race car driving metaphors!
Here's a list of a few off the top of my head:
- He shifted the passion to overdrive
- She was quivering like the Daytona International Speedway on race day
- He thrusted his gear shifter in to position

Vroom for love: Romancing NASCAR
DAYTONA BEACH -- "And this time when they kissed it wasn't gentle, it wasn't passive, it was a kiss that instantly proved the two of them were like high-octane fuel . . ."This is romance, NASCAR style.The racing organization with a reputation fueled by beer and testosterone is celebrating the recent release of its first officially licensed romance novel, In the Groove -- just in time for Speedweeks and Valentine's Day. Twenty-one more titles will hit bookstands by the end of next year.
Here's the entire article:

Awesome stock tip!

2006-02-14T10:15:00.000-05:00

I got this spectacular stock tip from my buddy Daren Monroe. I never heard of DKDY before this 'special bulletin' popped up in my inbox. The company looks like a sure winner. They have several 'new releases' and are launching the 'April project' soon. Not a moment too soon! All I have to do is plunk down all the cash in my IRA and ride DKDY stock to sweet retirement bliss!
Day trading is so cool!

Buy low Sell high, its the name of the game....
Profiled: Dark Dynamite Inc.
S ect0r: Consumer Goods
Symbol : D K D Y
Recent High $2.35
C lose: $0.89
note: Hot Day Trade
Members,
This is a special bulletin. DKDY, which has been climbing steady for the last 6 weeks had a major drop in price on Friday at end of day.
Closing at $0.89 down from $1.29 gives those of us who have been watching them trade since December to make some fast cash in a great day trade.
DKDY has had several major new releases and the launch of the April projects are drawing ever closer, assuring even higher climbs than we have seen to date.
Don’t miss this chance on Monday morning, the open will be just above the Friday close but will climb fast. get you r bids in before the opening bell and take advantage of the jump back to the average trading price.
If you're not sure just check the stats over the last 6 weeks and see the steady climb they have been rolling.
Jump this stock first thing Monday and jump on the ride.
Have a great weekend and good trading this week.

I smell a new television crime show...CSI: Cat Scenes Investigation!

2006-02-13T10:47:00.000-05:00

There's no truth to the rumor Fred the Kitty helped bust an illegal catnip smuggling ring!

Kitten Cop Helps Bust Vet Scam

(AP) MIAMI He came from the streets of Brooklyn, a cool customer on four legs, the perfect bait for a sting on a fake veterinarian. Meet Fred, undercover kitten. Authorities on Wednesday introduced the 8-month-old former stray cat that posed as a would-be patient while police investigated a college student accused of treating pets without a license. At a news conference, Fred sported a tiny badge on his collar as he posed for photos with owner Carol Moran, a prosecutor. "He's pretty easygoing, a real Brooklyn guy," Moran said. Read the entire article HERE

Things that make you go hummmmm.....

2006-02-11T09:28:00.000-05:00

I wonder why Myrlene didn't place this package in the overHEAD storage!

Woman carrying human head arrested in Fla.

Another must-have product entering the marketplace!

2006-02-10T09:12:00.000-05:00

Imagine the scene when someone pitched this to Elizabeth Arden...."is there any way can capture the smell of burned rubber, gasoline and beer and bottle it?"
Click the link below to read all about it:
Elizabeth Arden launches Daytona 500 scent

Strippers and cops and tats, oh my!

2006-02-04T06:56:00.000-05:00

25 Florida Strippers Nabbed
Tampa-area clubs again raided in undercover sting operation

FEBRUARY 3--Florida investigators yesterday returned to the scene of the grind, arresting more than two dozen strippers in an undercover investigation. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, the dancers were allegedly involved in a variety of criminal activities, including cocaine peddling, prostitution, lewdness, exposure of sexual organs, and the improper solicitation of alcohol sales. The strippers, who were nabbed late last night and early this morning, worked at six Tampa-area clubs: Lollipops; Calendar Girls; Vegas Showgirls; Brass Flamingo; Bare Assets; Foxy Lady; and Club Extasy. Last July, dancers at five of those clubs were arrested as part of a lunchtime sting operation. Below you will find mug shots of 25 strippers arrested as part of the latest Pasco County probe, which involved undercover officers infiltrating the joints and, in some instances, receiving lap dances that, um, rubbed the cops the wrong way. According to criminal complaints, of the 25 women arrested, 23 (or 92 percent) were inked, including one woman who had a "Daddy's Girl" tattoo on the back of one shoulder.

I love the creative names of the strip clubs. My favorite is Bare Assets. Memo to the Pasco cops: if you are going to throw somebody in the slam, at least have the decency to spell the charges properly. It's PROSTITUTION not PROSTITION!

Read the entire article here: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0203062strip1.html

Thank god

2006-01-25T07:52:00.000-05:00

I always thought my depression was caused by events such as a loss of a loved one but now I have seen the light! The REAL root of depression is not being able to fullfill my wife sexually. Fortunately, I got this email from the good folks at MAXAMAN:

A recent survey showed that 68% of women are unsatisfied with their sexual partners. Of course most of these women would never tell their partner that they are unhappy.
Not being able to fully satisfy a woman can result in depression and feelings of inadequacy. Thankfully, men of all ages can now safely and naturally enhance their body and penis anatomy and renew sexual vitality without resorting to dangerous surgery.
The all natural proprietary blend of unique herbs found in Maxaman is designed to restore blood flow to your penis, unleash stored testosterone, and heighten sensation by activating the body's natural hormone production and supplying vital nutrients necessary for peak sexual performance.

With the help of Maxaman, I will no longer be a Miniman!

Another unbelievable offer!

2006-01-20T07:02:00.000-05:00

Got another amazing offer today from a kind soul named Louis Orr. I thought our mortgage payment was pretty good until I read the email below. Why have a reasonable payment when you can get the 'rock-bottom' variety! The approval process only takes ONE MINUTE! EVEN BETTER! AWESOME!!! Sign me up!
I'm sure giving out highly sensitive and personal information to a company such as "Firstchoice X" is perfectly safe! Right? What could go wrong?

Hi,

I sent you an email last week and need to confirm everything now.
Please read the info below and let me know if you have any questions.

We are accepting your mortgage refi application. If you have poor credit, it is ok. You can get a refinance loan for a rock-bottom payment.
Approval process will take one minute. Just visit the link below and fill in the short form.

Manager: Louis Orr

My new hero

2006-01-19T10:05:00.000-05:00

Read an interview with U.S. skier Bode Miller. Dude is my new hero! Check out this entry..

At the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City, Miller pulled off a performance for the ages in the alpine combined. He fell to his hip at 80mph during the downhill leg, somehow regained his balance and finished the run, then charged back into medal contention with a monster first run on the slalom course. He wound up with an improbable silver medal. The hometown crowd was delirious, and Miller was beaming. "That's exactly why I wanted to stop" and bail on Torino, he says. "People would say to me, 'You have to go back because you didn't get your gold, right?' And I was, like, 'F---, no!' I satisfied my desire for Olympic success beyond what I ever thought possible. I can just about guarantee you that I will not surpass that this time around. That was miracle s--t that happened in Salt Lake."

The guy is brutally honest...love his candor.
AWESOME!

Miracle product

2006-01-18T11:47:00.000-05:00

I got an electronic mail message from a company concerned about my reproductive capabilities. Here's the text...

SPERMAMAX is a scientifically validated herbal nutritional blend to enhance fertility by improving sperm quality, count and motility (spontaneous motion).
SPERMAMAX is formulated to:
+ Improve overall sperm production
+ Improve sperm quality
+ Improve sperm integrity
+ Improve sperm motility
+ Improve sperm morphology

One of my new year's resolutions was to improve my sperm's integrity so this product became available at the most opportune time!

God bless you spermamax, God bless you!

The Media in 2014?

2006-01-14T08:18:00.000-05:00

The Poynter Institute created a future of the media project that is a real eye-opener. The year is 2014, newspapers are dead, Google and Amazon merge to dominate all media content after a supreme court fight against the New York Times. It's a world where news is created by computers and taylored to what individual consumers want. Sound far-fetched? Think of how news is delivered currently and how much the media landscape has changed in the past 5 years. Check out the presentation yourself here: http://www.idorosen.com/mirrors/robinsloan.com/epic/

Truthtastic!

2006-01-12T08:31:00.000-05:00

Truthiness is the word of 2005, according to the American Dialect Society. Colbert Nation, enjoy the sweet smell of truth!

Text from the Dialect Society site:

Truthiness refers to the quality of preferring concepts or facts one wishes to be true, rather than concepts or facts known to be true. As Stephen Colbert put it, "I don’t trust books. They’re all fact, no heart."

Other nominees:

- whale tail: the appearance of thong or g-string underwear above the waistband
of pants, shorts, or a skirt. Also known as a longhorn.

- muffin top: the bulge of flesh hanging over the top of low-rider jeans.

- Whizzinator: a trademarked urinating device using a realistic prosthetic penis and synthetic urine in order to pass a drug test.

Best Tom-Cruise-Related

Word: Cruiselex

WINNER

- jump the couch: to exhibit strange or frenetic behavior. Inspired by the couchbouncing antics of Tom Cruise on Oprah Winfrey's talk show in May. It derives from an earlier term, jump the shark, meaning to (irretrievably) diminish in quality; to outlast public interest or popular support.

- TomKat: the celebrity couple of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. 1
- Cruisazy: crazy in the manner of Tom Cruise.

Check out American Dialect's PDF at http://www.americandialect.org/Words_of_the_Year_2005.pdf

Orlando Tragic

2006-01-11T07:41:00.000-05:00

Another loss last night by the boys in blue. This time, it was a 90-73 debacle won by the Clippers. Amazingly, they are still in second place in the southeast division despite a 13-19 record. Good lord that's awful.

Oopsie!

2006-01-05T09:18:00.000-05:00

Check out the typo in this caption....Yikes! This poor girl's life is ruined. Sorry about that!

Welcome to Orlando: land of Mickey, soccer players and swingers???

2006-01-05T08:25:00.000-05:00

These people "put the grrr in swinger, baby!!"

Swingers unnerve families at hotel
Parents say young soccer players saw more than they bargained for.

Terry O. Roen, Orlando Sentinel Staff Writer
January 3, 2006
Soccer families and swingers do not mix. Especially when the parents of adolescent soccer players checked their daughters into a hotel that was hosting a New Year's Eve party for more than 200 self-described swingers, who had reserved a downstairs ballroom along with rooms on the ninth floor.Parents who traveled from South Carolina and Clearwater to bring their 11- to 13-year-old daughters to a five-day soccer tournament said they were shocked by the parade of sexually adventurous partygoers who sashayed through the glass-enclosed atrium, sometimes flashing breasts and bare buttocks in front of their children.They described the dress of some of the swingers at the Crowne Plaza Hotel-Airport in Orlando as "raunchy, despicable and worse than prostitutes." "We thought we were coming to Orlando, not the Las Vegas Strip," said the father of a 13-year-old who plays on the Clearwater Chargers, a group of 13-and-under players.

Read the entire article HERE.

Only in Florida

2005-12-31T11:12:00.000-05:00

Florida is the wierdest place on the planet. The St. Pete Times demonstrates this fact in their Sour Orange awards. Happy New Year, may 2006 be even wierder!

Disney Family Vacation Ruined By Walt Disney Company

2005-12-30T10:03:00.000-05:00

Found this on my favorite "fake" news site, The Onion. The story could easily have been true considering how chaotic a trip to the land of Mickey can be.

ORLANDO, FL–A magical Walt Disney World family vacation was ruined last weekend by the stringent policies and protocol of the Walt Disney Company. "They call Disney World 'The Happiest Place On Earth,' but being there was oddly stressful and upsetting," said David Mahaffey, 36, a Dover, DE, insurance-claims adjuster who, along with his wife and two children, endured a four-day visit to the Orlando theme park. "Why did Disney have to ruin the Disney magic for everyone?" Plagued by everything from park rules strictly governing conduct to wildly overpriced concessions, the Mahaffeys had hoped to lose themselves in a wonderland of fun, but were thwarted at every turn by the entertainment giant.

For the rest of the article, click HERE.

Happy Birthday, Tiger!

2005-12-30T09:43:00.000-05:00

Fellow Orlando resident Tiger Woods has joined the ranks of us 30-year-olds. He can look forward to the years of receding hair lines, love handles and beer bellies!
Check out the article HERE

Merry Christmas, Honey....now get rid of all your crap!

2005-12-24T10:51:00.000-05:00

Man Gives Wife A Dumpster For Christmas

For one Burlington family, this year's Christmas is all about the spirit of tossing out the trash.The massive Christmas present sitting in the driveway of Eric Botterbrodt's Medford home is not a fancy car, it is a dumpster. His wife Barbara had been asking him for years to get rid of unnecessary items that have clogged their garage. "This is the stuff I'm throwing out to give my wife her Christmas wish," said Botterbrodt. Spare tires for discarded lawnmowers, go kart tires, tubes–all the items were things he thought he may need in the future and was reluctant to part with, until now.

http://kutv.com/watercooler/local_story_357134013.html

Happy Saturnalia everybody!

2005-12-24T10:34:00.001-05:00

From the History Channel...

In the early years of Christianity, Easter was the main holiday; the birth of Jesus was not celebrated. In the fourth century, church officials decided to institute the birth of Jesus as a holiday.
Unfortunately, the Bible does not mention date for his birth (a fact Puritans later pointed out in order to deny the legitimacy of the celebration). Although some evidence suggests that his birth may have occurred in the spring (why would shepherds be herding in the middle of winter?), Pope Julius I chose December 25. It is commonly believed that the church chose this date in an effort to adopt and absorb the traditions of the pagan Saturnalia festival.

Merry Christmas anyway!

http://www.historychannel.com/exhibits/holidays/christmas/real2.html

Making the case for anti-psychotics...

2005-12-01T11:32:00.000-05:00

I beg to differ with Tom Cruise, psychiatric medicine can be a good thing...

Cops say man stabbed family over phone bill

ORANGE COUNTY -- Orange County deputy sheriffs have arrested a man they said stabbed his wife and two children during an argument about a cell-phone bill.
Will Edd Dalton, 48, fled from his Cypress Lakes at Waterford apartment about 9:30 p.m. Tuesday after the attack, authorities said. He was found at Interstate 95 and State Road 50 in Brevard County after investigators received an "investigative lead."
Dalton surrendered without incident before 7 p.m. Deputies planned to book him on attempted-murder charges, sheriff's Cpl. Carlos Torres said.
His wife, Ritnama Dalton, 48, and daughter, Christina Dalton, 20, were flown to Orlando Regional Medical Center with multiple life-threatening stab wounds; his son, Mark Dalton, 14, was taken to Florida Hospital East with at least one serious stab wound to the upper torso, said Jim Solomons, a spokesman for the Orange County Sheriff's Office.
Hospital officials would not release their conditions.
Earlier that night, Ritnama Dalton warned her children that their father would be angry about the bill. When Will Dalton arrived home, he fought with his wife. Mark Dalton came to the aid of his mother, then got away and pounded on a neighbor's door for help, Solomons said.
Deputies had arrested Will Dalton in April. He was accused of hitting Ritnama Dalton and telling his family "I'm going to kill you all," according to a sheriff's incident report. The couple had been married for 22 years, the report states. Charges of misdemeanor battery and making unlawful threats were dropped in August.

Coffee, tea or pee?

2005-11-26T09:28:00.000-05:00

ORLANDO -- A United Airlines jetliner headed from Orlando to Washington was diverted to Charlotte, N.C., after an intoxicated passenger lighted a cigarette and urinated in the aisle, an airline spokeswoman said.The man, whose name was not released, was taken off Flight 1502 in Charlotte and questioned by police, spokeswoman Robin Urbanski said.
The man was "acting extremely inappropriately," Urbanski said. "When you want to run a safe airline, we don't tolerate that type of activity on our aircraft."

Best Band EVER!

2005-11-25T21:00:00.000-05:00

Set list from last Wednesday's U2 concert in Tampa...

1. City of Blinding Lights
2. Vertigo
3. Elevation
4. Mysterious Ways
5. Until the End of the World
6. Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
7. Beautiful Day
8. Original of the Species
9. Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
10. Love and Peace or Else
11. Sunday Bloody Sunday
12. Bullet the Blue Sky
13. Miss Sarajevo
14. Pride (In the Name of Love)
15. Where the Streets Have No Name
16. One
Encores
17. First Time
18. Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of
19. With or Without You
20. All Because of You
21. Yahweh
22. "40"

The future of breast enlargement

2005-11-11T10:01:00.000-05:00

I don't know what's more odd about this story... The fact that she stole a bird to cash it in for a car, the car she wanted to buy was owned by a friend of the bird's owner or that she put the poor creature in her bra!

Woman arrested for stuffing bird into bra

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

FORT MYERS (AP) - A Florida woman has been arrested for padding her bra - with a stolen parrot.
Jill Knispel, 35, is facing felony charges after hiding a rare Greenwing parrot in her bra and stealing it from her employer, Baby Exotic Birds, police said.
Knispel allegedly stole the bird so she could trade it for a vintage 1964 Volkswagen Karmann Ghia automobile. She couldn't resist telling the car's owner how she got the animal, according to the Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Turns out the car's owner is friends with the man who owns the $2,000 bird.
DNA tests confirmed the bird's identity and Knispel was charged Saturday with grand theft.
"The circumstances of the case are the most bizarre I've ever encountered," said veteran wildlife investigator Lenny Barshinger.

This guy's rappin' name should be 25 cent

2005-11-03T06:18:00.000-05:00

This story begs the question....Is that $1,500 in quarters in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

SPRING HILL -- A man is charged with stealing $1,500 -- in quarters. Michael Ray Ross, 25, of Spring Hill, took the money -- which weighed about 75 pounds -- from his girlfriend's grandfather's closet, the Hernando County Sheriff's Office said. Ross attempted to cash in more than $600 in quarters Tuesday at a local grocery store, according to a Hernando County sheriff's report. He was arrested after he began "acting suspiciously." He told deputies he knew the man kept the quarters in his closet, and took the change on two separate occasions in the past month, authorities said.

Another alligator story

2005-10-22T09:19:00.000-04:00

Don't ya just hate uninvited lunch guests....

Alligator in Gainesville takes Off With Family's Lunch

GAINESVILLE, FL (AP) -- A Gainesville family says an alligator took a bite out of their lunch. Two women say they were picnicking by Lake Alice on the University of Florida campus with their children when the gator splashed out of the water and took off with their lunch. They were having spicy chicken. Garrett Bell says after grabbing the chicken, the gator went back in the water with it and then came back out for more. Bell adds that the gator was six to eight feet long. Signs at Lake Alice state that it's unlawful to feed alligators. But Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officials say feeding alligators is a problem statewide. They say it makes alligators associate food with humans resulting in dangerous encounters.

As Fred Flinstone would say....."WILMA!!"

2005-10-20T06:21:00.000-04:00

Since we are in the hurricane 'cone,' expect to hear some of the following terms dozens and dozens of times the next few days from the local tv weather forecasters...

- cone
- hunker down
- wobble
- storm surge
- feeder bands
- conditions are deteriorating rapidly
- millibars
- eye wall
- wind shear
- downgrade

Another reason to become vegetarian...

2005-10-19T10:27:00.000-04:00

I didn't realize eating 'the other white meat' would be so dangerous! Yikes!

Bullet Found In Pork Roast
An Ormond Beach woman said she cooked a pork roast for her family on Monday night, but she got a big surprise.

Someone at the dinner table got quite a shock when he went to take a bite and found a bullet in the meat, WESH 2 News reported.
"My son-in-law was about finished with his meal, cut this piece of meat and said 'There's a bullet in here.' I said, 'Get out of here,'" Diane Johnson said.
Johnson said she bought the meat at Publix. A company representative said they have several checks to make sure meat is the best quality for their customers.
Johnson said she would just like a replacement, preferably one without a bullet.

New 'Real World' in Key West

2005-10-19T10:05:00.000-04:00

When is MTV going to stop calling this series 'The Real World?' It's far from it. The only thing the peeps do on the show is drink, fornicate and never show up for their 'job.' The fact that they are having the show in Key West, known for it's wild behavior, indicates just low the standards have fallen since season one. Back then, everybody in the house had to find their own jobs and struggle for survival. Now, it's just another reality show where the booze flows and people hook up. How lame. Will I still watch? Of course!

MTV's 'Real World' gets dose of Key West reality
MTV's long-running reality show, The Real World, is in Key West filming its 17th season. The cast has opened a tanning salon on Duval Street -- and the producers turned back a legal challenge that sought to halt production.

By DANIEL CHANG
Miami Herald

KEY WEST - A tanning salon on a tropical island may not make a lot of sense, then again, neither does the premise that seven young strangers of meager means could afford to live in an oceanfront mansion.
But this is TV and the plots are not supposed to adhere to logic or plausibility, even if the show is called The Real World.
The popular MTV series that launched the reality TV craze in 1992 has descended on the nation's southernmost city. Key West has greeted The Real World cast and crew with laid-back amiability, curiosity and nonchalance -- and a dose of litigiousness.
Among the true-to-life developments was a courtroom drama triggered by one of the Keys' larger-than-life residents, Edwin O. Swift III, owner of the ubiquitous Conch Tour Train and Old Town Trolley. Swift, whose million-dollar home is next door to The Real World mansion on Key Haven, said that the klieg lights were so bright that he no longer had trouble finding his way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
Swift complained that the show unleashed a parade of intrusive looky lous on his once-quiet street. But on Tuesday, Monroe Circuit Judge Mark Jones ruled in favor of Real World producers Bunim/Murray Productions, ensuring that the show will go on.
The Real World cast -- seven strangers between the ages of 18 and 24 who have agreed to live together for three months and have their every move filmed for later telecast -- does not spend all its time in the mansion. When the cast mates are not soaking in the indoor pool and spa or playing tennis out back, they can be found running a new spray-on tanning salon on Duval Street. Real World producers, who began filming in September, have struggled in vain to keep the cast's identities private and their actions hush hush.
Visitors to the salon, called Mystic Tan, are required to sign a contract acknowledging that they are being filmed for a TV ''documentary'' and promising not to disclose what they learn inside.
This being Key West, booze-loosened lips flap freely at the patio bar across the street, a restauranthotel-cabaret called La Te Da.
By most estimations, the cast is a likable bunch, maybe a little standoffish, but not unexpectedly so, given all the obvious attention of the camera and the pressure of their impending 15 minutes of MTV fame.
''They were great kids,'' declared Denise Dunbar, a Key West local at La Te Da with her husband, Greg. The Dunbars knew all about The Real World across the street. She had already visited the salon. ``The whole thing was a kick. I spent over $100.''
Greg Dunbar, 61, also had been. As he sipped his beer, he scoffed at the show's name. ''They call it The Real World,'' he laughed. ''It's really the unreal world: impossibly good-looking young people with no visible means of support . . .,'' his voice trailed, then thundered. ``You can't call it real.''
Soon after walking out of Mystic Tan, Stephanie Carney and Rema Shalan, a pair of 22-year-old students from the University of Dayton, in Ohio, said they were surprised to learn it was a front for The Real World.
''They just said it was a documentary,'' said Carney. Shalan described the salon's atmosphere as decidedly laid back, maybe a little too much so.
''We thought it was a little weird there's people just hanging out there,'' she said.
And the interior design?
''It's decorated by Pier 1,'' Shalan surmised. ``It looks like a Pier 1 store.''
Jason Vinkemulder, a bartender at La Te Da, described the cast as ''very well-behaved,'' if somewhat aloof, during bar visits.
They are usually trailed by a cameraman and a bevy of technicians carrying lights, microphones and clipboards with waivers.
''To some people it's a big deal,'' Vinkemulder said of the local reaction to The Real World, ``and they're trying everything to be on camera. But I realize they're trying to do their own thing and they don't want to be bothered.''
Just then, Gary Brown spoke up from behind his book and glass of wine. A train engineer on a three-week holiday from England, Brown offered that the cast and crew have been ``a bit too intrusive.''
''You're sitting somewhere and all of a sudden the doors swing open and it's lights, camera, action,'' said Brown, who encountered The Real World crowd at the gym and once while eating dinner.
Past seasons of The Real World have been filmed in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, London, Miami and elsewhere. Key West is the smallest city to host the show. (The show airs Tuesdays at 10 p.m., although the season involving this cast won't be televised until early next year.)
Earlier this month, the cast extended a friendly ''how do you do'' to Key West, hosting a block party and ''tan-a-thon'' with live music, sandwiches and frozen drinks. The party was a combination grand opening for the salon and benefit for the campaign of Doug Stripp, a Key West local running for King of Fantasy Fest -- the annual Halloween carnival renowned for revelers who paint their private parts before exposing them.
Asked how he scored The Real World endorsement, the laconic Stripp just shrugged.
''I asked for it,'' he says.

Ummm, can I switch seats?

2005-10-14T06:22:00.000-04:00

Dude has anger-management issues....

Venice man arrested for punching out airplane window in flight

TAMPA, Fla. - A passenger punched out an airplane window during an outburst on an American West flight from Las Vegas, authorities said. Ryan J. Marchione, 24, of Venice, shattered a plastic shield covering the glass window and disconnected its frame about 90 minutes into Tuesday's overnight flight, according to an affidavit by FBI Agent Daniel S. Wierzbicki.
The punch "basically exposed the exterior of the aircraft," Assistant U.S. Attorney Ernest Peluso said Thursday during a detention hearing. Marchione was arrested after the plane landed Wednesday morning at Tampa International Airport. He faces up to 20 years in federal prison if convicted of a charge of damaging or destroying an aircraft while it was operating. The damage delayed the aircraft's outbound flight for 65 minutes and caused about 40 people to miss connecting flights, according to Wierzbicki's affidavit.

About 90 minutes after the plane departed Las Vegas, Marchione "woke abruptly from his sleep and turned to the passenger seated in 7B ... raised a clenched fist to his shoulder as if he was going to strike the passenger in 7B, then suddenly turned and struck the exterior window," the affidavit said. "It appears to have come out of nowhere. Perhaps it was some sort of a psychotic episode as a result of drug abuse," said Marchione's attorney, Thomas Ostrander. U.S. Magistrate Thomas Wilson ordered Marchione released on $25,000 bail and home detention, with electronic monitoring.

Yo, G, it's all about the one-hundred dollar bills

2005-10-12T09:07:00.000-04:00

I subscribe to word of the day from wordsmith.org. Today's word is benjamin.

Here's the description for all you non-street peeps out there. Peace out!

Benjamin (BEN-juh-min) noun

Benjamin is a nickname for the US one-hundred-dollar bill. The name
derives from Benjamin Franklin, US statesman, whose portrait adorns
the bill. The US currency notes are printed in the Bureau of Engraving and
Printing plants in Washington, DC and Fort Worth, Texas.

Note to self: Don't feed gators

2005-10-07T11:05:00.000-04:00

A lesson for peeps moving down here: try to avoid dangling food near a gator. They like to eat stuff!

A Palm Bay woman who fed an alligator bread learned why that's both unwise and illegal.

Laurin Sellers
Orlando Sentinel Staff Writer
October 7, 2005

MELBOURNE -- A Palm Bay woman feeding a 31/2-foot alligator Thursday ended up with a nasty bite on her hand and a written warning from wildlife officers, who said the encounter could have been a lot worse.
Danielle Rivera, 25, said she was tossing slices of bread to the gator at about 11 a.m. while visiting Manatee Point near Melbourne Avenue with her mother and 3-year-old son.
The trio were in an area of the park where people often go to watch manatees and feed fish when Rivera said she "got the bright idea to feed the alligator by hand." Rivera was kneeling near where the reptile was floating when it suddenly came out of the water toward her.
"I didn't know he would lunge out of the water like that," said the lifelong Florida resident, who also said she had no idea it's against the law to feed alligators.
When the gator grabbed the bread, its teeth grazed Rivera's right hand, leaving bloody scratches on her fingers.
She was taken by ambulance to Holmes Regional Medical Center, where she received a tetanus shot and antibiotics.
While the wounds didn't require stitches, Rivera said, her hand was swollen and hurting."This is a classic example of why it is against the law to feed alligators in Florida," said Joy Hill, spokeswoman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.
"The good news is that Ms. Rivera was treated and released from the hospital within a couple of hours of the incident. If the alligator had been a couple of feet larger, this story may have had a much different ending."

Ewwww!

2005-10-07T10:30:00.000-04:00

Ya'll probably have seen this already but had to post. It's a classic tale straight out of a bad japanese sci-fi flick.

GATOR VS. PYTHON, CLASH OF THE REPTILES!

October 6, 2005—Unfortunately for a 13-foot (4-meter) Burmese python in Florida's Everglades National Park, eating the enemy seems to have caused the voracious reptile to bust a gut—literally.
Wildlife researchers with the South Florida Natural Resources Center found the dead python last week after it apparently tried to digest a 6-foot-long (2-meter-long) American alligator. The mostly intact dead gator was found sticking out of a hole in the midsection of the python, and wads of gator skin were found in the snake's gastrointestinal tract.
The gruesome discovery suggests that the python's feisty last meal might have been too much for it to handle.
SOURCE: National Geographic

Fortunate Fido

2005-10-05T14:17:00.000-04:00

This is one lucky pooch!
Check out the article from the Sun-Sentinel.

Lucky puppy survives after swallowing 13-inch knife
Veterinarian overcomes shock and removes blade surgically from voracious Saint Bernard
By Robert Nolin, Staff Writer

In a cabinet atop Jane Scarola's fridge, securely wrapped in a towel, lies a 13-inch serrated knife, the kind that cuts metal and concrete in those TV ads, that never needs sharpening.The blade's current resting place is far preferable to its previous one: The stomach of Scarola's mischievous Saint Bernard puppy, Elsie.
The knife remained undetected in Elsie's gut for about four days until her distraught owner sought the aid of a vet who, once he overcame his disbelief, surgically removed it."I'm surprised she's alive," said a relieved Scarola.
The 43-year-old Plantation woman noticed her six-month-old pup seemed depressed Tuesday. That night, Elsie trembled on the kitchen floor.
Scarola took herto the Imperial Point Animal Hospital in Fort Lauderdale, where veterinarian Jon-Paul Carew, baffled by Elsie's distress, ordered up some X-rays.
He couldn't believe what he saw. "I was just flabbergasted," Carew said. "I thought it was some kind of joke."There was the knife, lodged between Elsie's esophagus and stomach. The puppy had swallowed it handle first.
The only safe way to remove the blade was to cut open Elsie's belly, which Carew did the next morning in a two-hour operation."I've taken other things out of dogs, like shish kebab skewers, toys, small utensils, but never a blade," he said.
After plenty of antibiotics and intravenous feeding, Elsie was ready Thursday morning to go home to Scarola, her four teens and husband. "She was bright and alert, eating well, a goofy little puppy," the vet said.
Scarola said she had used the knife to carve a turkey last Saturday, and placed it on her counter far from the edge. Still, Elsie or one of Scarola's other dogs -- four Saint Bernards, a German shepherd and a Labrador -- must have somehow fetched it away."
She wants to eat everything and anything," said Scarola, who now keeps close watch on the pet's diet. Elsie's only memento is an 8-inch scar. Scarola has a vet bill of nearly $1,700 -- and the culprit knife."I'm going to frame it and give it to Dr. Carew," Scarola said. "
He should hang it. Everybody should know what puppies are capable of putting down their throats."

This is your life

2005-10-05T11:45:00.000-04:00

Check out this company that offers a video show at your tombstone. The product is called the "Serenity Panel." Odd.

Sad? Mad? Happy? Who knows!

2005-10-05T08:51:00.000-04:00

Since I am an archivist for the local rag...err...newspaper, I noticed a phenomenon when archiving pictures of Supreme Court Justice John Roberts. Dude does not change his facial expression a bit. I pity anyone playing poker with him. They would lose their home.

Dreaming of Cortona, again

2005-10-02T09:11:00.000-04:00

Dinner last night made me long for Cortona again. We had the grocery variety tomatoes and mozzarella in a lame attempt to mimic the yummy caprese salads we ingested during our June Italy adventure. Needless to say, it flamed miserably. Nothing could replicate the freshness and tastiness of the food there. Unreal. Our fellow adventurers from London, Brenda and Jim, took some happy snaps of the Cortenese cuisine. One of the antipasta plates is above......ummmm antipasta...so antipastaee!

Knights win 2 in a row!!!

2005-10-02T08:47:00.000-04:00

Way to go UCF! Maybe 17 wins in a row??

Check out the story at OrlandoSentinel.com

Jason Jones rocks!

2005-10-01T12:09:00.000-04:00

Just saw Thursday's edition of The Daily Show with a segment from Jason Jones of Craft Corner Death Match fame. I could hardly contain my laughter. Dude is a comical genius! Check out the clip for yourself on Comedy Central's site.

My favorite Jason Jones line from CCDM: "Amber, take this crap over to the judges." How did that taste, crafters? Freakin' halarious!

Wifey and Me!

2005-10-01T06:20:00.000-04:00

Here's a pic of my beautiful wife, Claudine and me during our Italy trip in June.

If you would like to see more pics, check out the following website